Sunday, January 30, 2011

Lucid Dream

I've been interested in lucid dreaming for years and years.  And I've followed up with that by attending workshops, classes, working with 'lucid dream machines', keeping dream journals,....  All sorts of things.  And since my heart surgery, my dreams have seemed to be more lucid, especially during that time of 'just before waking up'.  This morning I experienced both at the same time - lucid dream, and pre-awakening consciousness of the here and now.  I awoke in the middle of a lucid dream, where I was having an amazing experience I will remember forever, and at the same time slowly finding myself aware the 'present'.  I could feel myself in my warm blankets, that I was laying on my side, and that the sunlight was shining through the closed curtains on the other side of the room.  I became aware that I was having both experiences at the same time, and I did my best to slow everything down so it would 'stay that way' for awile.  Wow.  Really a cool experience.  I think it's something I can even do better next time.

Another sroke for Lacy, and little sleep for me

Thursday night was rough.  The day before my last day of Hypnosis Certification Training class, and Lacy had another stroke.  It started a little after midnight, and her scratching movements and little moans woke me.  It continued for hours, and her little moans turned into yaps and barks.  At first I was worried about waking the man in the apartment downstairs, but then I remember we'd talked about this possibility before, and he was 'OK enough', so I dropped my concern.  Her little body convulsed with jerks and her head started listing to the left.  Poor baby.  Friend Marcia took her and just held her (that's all that could be done), while I went back to bed, to get some more rest, if not sleep, in preparation for doing a full day coming up.  Marcia was due at her work the next day too, but Lacy needed help. Marcia and I talked about the situation, and made a conscious decision to 'be' with Lacy, and trust the process, asking of a higher source for help to 'do' the next day.

That principle of 'asking' and 'receiving', to get human needs filled, works.  I got about 4 1/2 hours sleep, and even though I started the day wondering how I'd get through, I did.  Pretty amazing.  As I write this, it's Sunday morning.  Training is over for now, and I'm really happy with how things went.  Each student seemed to get what they wanted out of their experience, and some value they hadn't expected, but which will serve them well.  That was my intention.  I'm glad it actually happened.  And Lacy?  She's wobbly, but better.  She ate and drank just a little bit late last night, which was a good sign.  And she slept all the way through the night.  So did I - It was SO nice!  Her head is still tilted over toward the left, and she is having troubles with her right front paw.  I'm glad she's still here for a little while more though.  She's such a sweeheart.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Nausea - Sign of heart trouble in women

Well, well, well.  I had no idea.  I could have used that information all last summer.  I had no idea my heart was in BIG trouble.

 I was really struggling, not knowing why I was generally getting worse and worse, physically.  I was following my regular doctor's orders, taking supplements, drinking water, and doing my best to "exercise and eat right".  I was short of breath, but I'd had asthma since I was a child.  I thought that's what it was.  I did have a slight heaviness in my chest, but I'd thought that was probably related to the asthma too - and so said my doctor.  And I had to keep sitting down and resting.  I was tired all the time, but couldn't sleep well because it was so hard to breathe.  And, there was a nausea I was having..  I didn't tell my doctor about the symptom, because it just didn't seem relevant to do so.  I just 'powered through' the nausea as best I could, as we women have a tendency to do.  I ate candied ginger, which helped., but it was getting to be every day, and even several times each day.

Then, the 'taking Lacy to the vet' incident happened (Sept. 2010), which made me suspect heart trouble.  The rest is history, and here I AM, really.  I remember now, that my heart surgeon told me afterward that my aortic valve itself was so bad (besides being too small for my heart), that it disintegrated in his hand.  Those were his words.  And the whole aortic core, which he rebuilt ('cuz it was too small too), was in similar shape.  Pretty impressive.  No wonder I didn't feel well.

I didn't know until yesterday (TV show reported that medical research) that nausea was one of the symptoms of heart trouble - especially for women.  Because 'where there's one, there are a thousand more', I wonder how many women are walking around with the same problem, and not telling their doctor about it.  I'll bet more heart-related deaths could be prevented.  I was 'lucky', when my little doggie's vet told me about her heart and 'the light bulb went on' that got me in to talk again to my doctor about my heart.  Before that, we'd thought it was more about asthma, and other things.  When she listened to my heart, she said she heard a heart murmer, but when I asked, she didn't think it was terribly urgent - just something to be aware of and watch.  Fifteen years ago, I'd had a whole battery of heart tests done because of my 'heart racing', and they said they didn't have a procedure to fix that then.  Now they do.  And my aorta problem must not have been big enough to 'catch' then.  They said I had a little calcification, but not enough to worry about.

Apparently, heart trouble was at the root of so many things that have not been working right in my body for a long, long time.  Including asthma.....  I 'knock on wood' when I write this, but I've not needed to use my asthma inhaler since my surgery last September.  And, with doctor's support, I weaned off my 2x daily Advair medication.  And I'm OK.  In fact, now I'm beginning to wonder if I still need my CPAP machine at night.  It's seeming to 'get in the way' as much as it's 'helping' lately.  Maybe it just needs adjusting.  I'll check.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

It's a different life now

I got my driver's license renewed yesterday.  There was 'red tape' so it took all day. But it's done now.  I'm realizing how much of my life has 'fallen through the cracks' over the years, just because my heart wasn't functioning well enough to get my brain the oxygen it needed to negotiate the systems of life.  The 'change of heart', physically, is the only variable I can see to how I was so unable to do things (school, legal, social, church, work) as well as I am now.  It's like magic.  Yes, I have to put forth effort, and I have to watch my energy, and take care of my recovering body in the process, but the whole path of 'doing life' is so much more clear now, than it ever has before. 

The only metaphor I can think of is the example of how we each, probably in some way or another, imagine to ourselves as children, "When I grow up, I want to be.....".  Usually, the sentence ends with some profession: Doctor, Lawyer, Garbage Truck Driver, ....Indian Chief.... something like that.  For me, now, I feel as if I've finally 'come into myself', in the very best of ways.  Sure, my body has aches and pains, but I feel whole, complete, without effort or 'missing parts' in the core of my essential self. 

Even yesterday, getting through all the 'red tape', it was different.  I noticed my thinking was more clear, my emotions calm, and my energy high.  Balanced, strong, and Smart!  I felt smart!  I heard that feedback when I was young, from parents and school teachers ("You are so smart), but it was always accompanied by the statement "...but, your don't perform as if you are.  You just need to try harder."  Ouch.  I was 'trying hard'.  That wasn't the problem.  I just couldn't access my 'smarts' as well as I could have if my brain has the oxygen it needed to function properly. 

No wonder it's a 'different life' now.

Monday, January 24, 2011

(News from 'The Cave')

I'm stillI in my 'cave', resting, playing & resting today, but I just wanted to say:

I made it through the weekend with surprising grace and aplomb.  Training Course went well, and during the Saturday family reunion, I only had to be 'helped' once, when I was on my way toward sitting down and I just didn't have enough strength and energy to make it.  I'm grateful for the two people who rushed to my aid and saved me from disaster. 

One question lingers today, leftover from Saturday's festivities - My father whispered to me after the event was over:  "That was wonderful", he said.  "It was like having my own funeral, only I was there to enjoy it."  "Funeral" had not been my intention to create, even a 'really enjoyable' one.  But I think his comment was SO Very Interesting - especially after the dream I posted about last week.  Know what I mean?

Now, back to my cave.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Ready, Set,....

Today I'm getting 'ready', that by tonight I am 'set', to 'GO' the next three days solid.  I will (most likely) have no break for neither rest nor relaxation.  A full weekend of Hypnosis Certification Training is time-intensive itself, but all my preparations during the weekdays of the last 2 weeks plus, culminate this Saturday with the 'Family Gathering' I've put together in honor of the 'older generation'.  And my daughter came into Salt Lakw City last night from PA, with her fiance, to introduce him to family during this weekend. 

Because of my recent dream seeming to tell of my father's imminent demise, added to an already-felt sense of urgency in that regard, I've been devoting every spare moment and bit of energy this last while to producing this event of, whick I can see could be the 'last' family gathering for this part of my family.  It will be interesting to see how events transpire.  I will report here on the details, as I can.

I've made a 'courtesy announcement' to those I keep in close contact with (usually daily) to prepare to be 'snarled at' if they happen to interrupt me today.  If the house is burning down, they'll have to make special effort to get my attention so I can get out in time.  Knowing me, when I focus on something, I REALLY focus, to the exclusion of most everything else (for better and/or worse).  I'm glad I have those in my life who love me and accept me 'anyway'.

So here I step, deeply into the forest of preparation, firmly on the path of 'GO'.  And later, over three days from now on Sunday evening, when the Training is complete for the weekend and the Family Gathering is over and done, I will enter the cave of rest.  I'll emerge only when I do - no sooner.


Monday, January 17, 2011

Peace and Chaos

In my world today there are both.  Peace I'm left with after spending a wonderful weekend with amazing people at the Hypnosis Certification Training;  (I'm relaxed,.... Breathing deeply,.... Feeling good,.... Feeling fine,..... Good);.... 

....and then there's the chaos.  There is present such an underlying sense that 'the world' is falling apart in some way - not in a visual, "easily seen' way (although some of that is happening too), but more 'subterannean' if you will.  'Under the covers', where it's not easily seen by 'the eyes of man', even when it's right below our noses.  Things looks tidy, nice, and oh so pretty (even in 'close' relationships) to the perviewing, judgmental eye, and the analytical brain easily takes over saying, "All is well in my world."

To me, I see marked signs of that chaos in 'good-looking' relationships I see, and in the function or organizations I am familiar with.  The structure looks good, but the function is failing. 

When I put my attention to it (and sometimes even when I don't) the rumble of discontent is unmistakable.  That sense of chaos 'on the move' has even been interrupting my night's sleep at times, with a sense of impending 'explosion' or 'implosion' of some sort.  I look at my own physical surroundings, keenly investigating, and the plans and doings of my own days, and I seem to see nothing amiss.  I've been asking for feedback from a few closely trusted 'others' in my life, to help me with this.  Honest feedback help me see better, even when it doesn't feel all that good sometimes.  Honest feedback always helps me make more sound assessments and decision about things.  But, the feedback I'm getting so far is that as far as what I am personally responsible for, nothing seems awry.  (Of course, there are always adjustments to be made in our own lives, internally and externally, but even that doesn't explain what's 'left over' here, after doing all I can do.)

The rumble of 'chaos' remains.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I had a dream last night

In the dream, I was going through an old trunk, left by my sister Karen who has long since passed away. (She died unexpectedly more than a decade ago leaving four young children.)  The trunk was in an old shed, something that reminded me of my father (living, age 94), and it felt like I was preparing for my father's funeral.  As I sifted through my sister's old things, looking to see what might be needed to be done with them, suddenly my only living sister appeared through sunbeams streaming through the sunlight in the doorway of the shed.  (I say 'only surviving sister because another sister, Jane, followed Karen in death just a few years after her, also unexpectedly.)

As Jolene came through the door, I felt a mix of joy, and a little puzzlement (in the dream), because we have been so estranged for so long.  (Even now, writing about this, I wonder if I will ever see her again, let alone share any words of the love and respect I feel for her in my heart.)  She was wearing her hair differently than I've ever seen in 'real life', but she looked absolutely beautiful.  She approached me, and without hesitation wrapped her arms around me in a warm embrace.  I hugged her back with all my might, I've never experienced such a hug with my sister.  There's only the yearning for one.

Tears were on my face when I awoke.  And the emotion is still very close.  It will be an interesting day.

That nap is what makes the difference

I was worried that yesterday I might be as tired after teaching as I was at the end of the day last Friday.  Not so yesterday.  I took a nap in the middle of the day during lunch, and it seemed to make all the difference. Yay!

Friday, January 14, 2011

I wonder what will happen

Well, here it is Friday, and off I go again - Off to begin a full day of Hypnosis Certification Training.  My Friday of last week ended with exhaustion.  Even though I'd 'taken care' during the day, the very fact of working such a 'full day' this early in my surgery recovery took it's toll.  My intention today is to 'take care', again.  It will be interesting to see if I "fall asleep in my porridge" again tonight, or if I will be more able to get myself home, fed, and more readied for bed in a 'usual manner'.  That's what I'm hoping for.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Healing stone connection - Years later

A number of years ago I walked through a local botanical garden (Red Butte Garden), lavishing in all it's beauty in so many forms.  At the time, there were visiting sculptures being displayed throughout the grounds from artists from Africa.  They were each astounding, but the one that kept 'drawing' me was a 6 ft. tall bird, make of the rock called Serpentine.  It was gray-green, smooth to the touch, and both warm and cool at the same time.  At least, that's how it seemed to me.  When it was time to go, I remember wishing I could stay there a little longer, just 'soaking in' the energy of that stone.  There were other sculptures made of Serpentine in the garden, but this one seemed to emmanate that particular energy most strongly.

I've thought of that incident many times over the years, and in my travels I've 'almost' picked up a 'pocket stone' of Serpentine.  (I've found that often it helps to keep a stone or two of different kinds in my pocket as I go through the day.  Because of the different vibrations of different materials, and the meanings they have gathered to them, just having them on my person seems to help.  Before I 'knew' any of this, I've carried stones with me since I was a little girl.  I hear that many people do.  Do you?)

Well, I was given a wonderful nugget of polished Serpentine two days ago.  I immediately put it in my pocket, and wore it yesterday all day as I went about my doings.  Lo and behold.  I definately feel the result today.  I did yesterday as well, but this morning it's especially strong.  My right hip that has been most affected by osteo-arthritis?  Almost enirely pain-free all day.  And my mood?  Wonderful - even at setbacks.

"Serpentine- Also called Infinite, pronounced 'infi-night':  A form of green or gray-green stone from South Africa.  An excellent stone for healing the etheric body, and pain relief for the physical body.  Infinite's vibration replenishes the etheric body and helps seal holes that can cause feelings of fatigue, depression and depletion.  Also activiates the kundalini."

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Great Balancing Act

I've realized that to really be 'the god of who we are', we must first be 'fully, truly human.'  Here's what I mean.  To the extent I am able to 'have' the fullness of my pain, can I most fully 'have' the depth of joy.  And vice versa.  I am deepened as a person by both experiences.  And it takes one to have the other more fully.

I think of the time I took my five children to a vacation spot in a neighboring state years ago.  There was an olympic sized pool, with three diving boards (6, 9, and 12 feet high, respectively), and a 35 foot high platform.  For those who did so, there were respective thrills possible from jumping into the water from each of those heights.  I noticed that there was something special about the bottom of the pool beneath the 35 foot platform however.  From 35 feet high, if someone jumped into a pool with only a standard 12 foot depth, they may very likely hurt themselves.  The water would just be too shallow for a jump from that height.  So, beneath the 35 foot platform, there was a '6 foot hole' in the bottom of the pool - making the depth of the water not just 12 feet, but 18 feet.  And the depression seemed broad enough to accomodate even the most 'enthusiastic' board jumper.  So, to have the thrill of jumping from a 35 ft. platform, there had to be a deeper hole to jump into.  That metaphor has served me well since, helping me through some of the hardest times in my life, and helping me explain 'how it works' to some of those dear to me.  'Ya gotta have both.

I wonder - Could it be that to experience the highest joys, it is required , to be able to also experience the deepest sorrows?  When I shared this with a good friend, she said, "Yeah, I think that's how it works.  It's that balance thing.  In fact, wasn't there 'One' who showed us 'The way' in this?"  Some may refer to this principle with the word 'karma'.  I think I like the word 'balance'.

Monday, January 10, 2011

The darkness before the dawn

There is certainly no telling when these things will happen.  I notice that I don't like to admit to myself how 'low' I was in spirit the other night after exhausting myself in class.  But I was.  And now I'm not.  Quite the opposite in fact.  This morning I awoke early, feeling 'at the peak of my game', and excited to get to work on projects that have been waiting on the back shelf for quite awhile.  Of course I'll take care.  My body still is in need of healing.  Of that I became very aware during this last weekend.  But my spirit is rejuvenated and my mind is sharp.  I feel excited, and it feels like my creative juices are running at full steam.

I've noticed this phenomena before, after other 'low' times in my life.  It really does seem that 'depression' and 'low times' aren't necessarily a bad thing.  Maybe they are truly just the darkness before the dawn.  Maybe those lower times are even necessary for the rejuvenation and healing needed for some of our most creative work.  At least, that's what seems to have happened with me.

I can't say that this understanding helps me to look forward to dark times that may come (and there will be more, I'm pretty sure), but it certainly helps me know they are not 'wasted', not to be feared, and helps me to go through the experience with a little more forgiveness and grace.

Might it be true that for every high there is a needed low?  Might this be an example of what is said in holy writ that "there must needs be an opposite in all things"?  Physics bears out this same principle.  Interesting thought to ponder.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Today was amazing

Again, validation.  This has happened before during rough times in my life.  My somehow, I seem to forget inbetween, because each time it happens, like today, the amazement is new again, as if this is the first time.

Here's what I mean.  Last night I came home from teaching all day, once again, exhausted.  No, not as tired as the first of these three days straight, but so tired nonetheless. And I wondered, "Did I start back to work too soon?  Did I take on too big of a project with too little strength built up after my surgeries?  Had I been unwise?"

I even wondered, "Have I made a huge mistake in my life's path, and chosen the wrong course?  Maybe.....  Maybe I ought to just quit altogether and crawl into an introspective hole somewhere and let a Higher Source stream through the fog in my tired brain and get me back on course again.  I felt so 'off"."

But that was yesterday.  Today was nothing but validation after validation that not only am I on the right course in my life, but the difference I seem to be making in the lives of people is more than I could have ever imagined.  One by one, each of my three Hypnosis Certification Training students shared privately with me how their lives have changed already as a result of the time they've spent in the first three days of class.  That touched my heart.  But not only that.  For I know that where ever there is one who's life has been changed for the better, there are no less than 1,000 other people who come withing that person's sphere of influence.  And they are touched as well.  Each of the three students, these dear, sweet people, will now be making a more profound and positive difference in the lives of other - so much more so than they would have before.  My whole heart is behind my life's intention to help people make a better life for themselves and those they care about, that it's so exhilerating to watch it happen before my very eyes - &  in so short a time. 

This evening, I left class feeling rejunenated, rather than drained.  I felt joyous, rather than questioning.  And my heart is filled to overflowing with that sweet feeling of peace that comes only when one's feet are firmly planted, and walking, on the path they came to this earth to walk.  The only word that comes to mind is, "Hallelujah!"

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Gettin' through...

Yesterday I taught Hypnosis Training all day.  I loved it.  I took care of myself, & thought I wasn't 'doing too much', but barely made it home I was so tired.  I got a bowl of something (I can't even  recall what I ate!) for dinner, sat down on the couch to rest and eat at the same time, and the next thing I knew, my roommate Marcia was taking the empty bowl from where I'd dropped it and was covering me with a blanket.  I slept just sitting on the couch for an hour or so, then crawled into bed.  Sooo tired.

Dorie spelled me off today over a long lunch, so I could take a nap for 1 1/2 hours.  It helped me get through the day much better.  Going to bed now.  Nite nite.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Excited, nervous,... and Excited!

Tomorrow I'm leaping off the bridge of recovery into the fast-movong waters of active Hypnosis Certification Trainer.  I begin my first Hypnosis Certification Training course since at least a year ago. 

I can't say how many trainings I planned out, prepared, even marketed, just to have to cancel at the last minute beforehand because I just wasn't up to it.  In fact, the more I progress in my recovery, the more I realize how 'unwell' I have been, for how long.

When I think about it, I am absolutely amazed at how much I've been able to accomplish despite the handicaps created by a 'ticker' that just wasn't working.  I'm also overwhelmed with gratitude that while not being aware of how 'bad' I was, I am so lucky (if you can call it that!) that I didn't push it 'too far', and die before I got the help I needed.  Whew.  That was close.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Seeing through another's eyes

I spent the afternoon with a new friend yesterday.  As she shared her experiences with me, I realized I felt the same way.  The details of my circumstances were different than hers, but the feelings were the same.  I too, have dismissed painful happenings in my life as 'just the way it is', rather that sharing the details with a someone I trust.  I too have 'just put up with it' because I saw no other choice.  I too have tried hard and found my best efforts didn't seem to be 'good enough'.  So much was the same.  I listened, shared back when appropriate, and mostly just sat in her presence, hearing her.

I know from my own experience that there's something about saying the words, and having someone really listen to your story that can sometimes change everything.  Healing happens, you hear your own words with your own ears, your words yield reactions from the listener that can shed light on the subject, and on and on.  That's what seemed to happen yesterday. 

I really heard her out, rather than just 'waiting for my turn to speak.  I listened with acceptance, understanding, even forgiveness, for we each do the best we can in any given moment.  I noticed where there were similarities in our experiences, and differences.  I heard her pride and amazement in her own accomplishments, her pain and sense of betrayal from the actions of others, and her sorrow at how her family had suffered in the process.  And as I listened, I found myself feeling her feeling as if it were my own.  When she laughed, I laughed.  When she cried, I did too.  The feelings between us went beyond a sense of compassion, one person for another, but empathy - feeling 'with', not 'feeling for' another person.  Afterward,  I realized that I not only knew her better, but that I had been broadened and deepened as a well.  It was as if we shared more of the experience itself, and not just the story about it.

Leaving my friends home, I realized that I saw my own life differently.  I was more clear and understanding, where I may have been judgmental before.  I realized where I have 'put people in a box', and where I have felt 'put in a box' myself.  And the most amazing thing of all.... I saw more than ever before how subtely, unconsciously, I had been a creator within my own life circumstances - and how my friend had done the very same thing in hers.  No blame, but witnessing only the happenings, causes, effects, and all the many situations in which experience and learning happen.

My belief, and my experience as well, is that each one of us is so much more powerful than we ever could have imagined.  Learning is important to each of us, and it requires certain circumstances to best learn certain things.  I remember my father saying to me when I was young, "To really learn how to survive off the land, you leave the classroom and enter the forest itself."   There have been times I have complained mightily about my own life circumstances, and had my own pain.  But I know now that (to really learn what I have wanted to learn): If it hadn't been those particular parents, those particular siblings, classmates, friends, enemies, teachers, bullies, husband, children, etc. - it would have been somebody just like them.  If it hadn't been that school, that church, that company or that group, it would have been another.

In a very practical sense, the sun shines on each of us, wherever we are.  Whether we get burned, or tanned, or something in between depends on what circumstances we bring to the situation, and what we do with the sunshine.  Me, I bring freckles.  No matter how hard I've tried, my skin doesn't respond to the sun with giving me a nice looking, smoothly tanned skin.  But I've learned that I can appreciate the tan that others can achieve, while at the same time knowing that there can be 'too much' sun for any of us who want to have healthy skin.

So, I listened to my friend, and I saw through her eyes.  As a result, I felt closer to her as a person, and I my own 'seeing' was better, too.  For many reasons we were each bettered for the exchange.  To extend the 'sun' metaphor:  We'd each had 'sun' experiences, and we shared the resulting tans, burns, and effects.  Now, the next step will be to take what we have from this exchange, using our learnings and experiences to create a better world - for ourselves, and for others in our circles of influence.  The gift is also the challenge - and vice versa.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Maybe it's the weather

Rough day today.  The osteo arthritis in my hip and knee hurts.  It's more that just 'complainable'.   It hurts to sit, stand, walk, move, lie down - it just hurts.  Yes, it usually bothers me, but today it's worse.  I've heard people say "I can tell a storm is coming in 'cuz my arthritis is hurting' - Maybe this is what they mean.  Maybe the barometer is dropping.  Self-hypnosis does help, and Reiki does help, and my 'pain patch' magnets help as well.  But the down-deep pain is still there.  I'll see if I can find something to do to distract me until it's time to go to bed for the night.  Then I'll take the pain pill I've been saving, climb under the covers with my hot water bottle, and go to sleep.

All of a sudden...

I don't know when it happened, but sometime recently my self-consciousness about my 'open heart surgery' scar showing on above the top button of my shirt is GONE!  The scar is still there - as vividly red as ever.  But the self-consciousness is gone.  No more tugging, pulling, trying to cover it.  No more turning sideways just a little bit when I talk to someone so the light doesn't catch it straight on.  And, no more concern that when I talk with someone, their eyes float downward, rather than staying on my face.  Ahh.  It's so much more relaxing this way.

It's interesting too - Now my thoughts don't go in that 'worry' direction, the scar itself doesn't seem to be noticed.  It's quite interesting to me how my own 'worry thoughts' seemed to draw from others the very things I was worried about.  My, but we are more powerful as beings than we ever would have thought.

Thing is, I knew this principle as head knowledge.  And I've even taught it to others.  And, I've used it myself in so many other situations.  But not this one.  I guess it doesn't really matter WHAT we know, but When/How we apply it.  This was a learning experience for me, just because it was a totally different situation than I'd every had before.  Kinda cool.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Lacy had a stroke

At least, that's what the vet said.  Lacy has not been well, and yesterday she was circling and circling,round and round, running into walls, and getting stuck in corners.  And she cried for hours at a time.  As I held her, comforting her as best I could, I cried too.  Poor thing.  She's weight, so she's such a little ball of blond furry fluff, with strawberry blond ears and hind end.  The vet says it's a surprise that Lacy has lasted as long as she has, with all her health problems.  The vet gave her some new medication which seems to have eased Lacy's discomfort, and she seems to have rallied a bit.  Just this afternoon Lacy even licked my face for the first time in more than a week.  Precious little soul.  I'm grateful she's in my life.  And, I'm grateful I even have a life, because of Lacy.  I'm glad I can help take care of her in her last days. 

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