Monday, September 13, 2010

Two days left before I go into the hospital.

I still don't know any of the details of what time, where to go, etc. for going to the hospital.  I expect to receive a call tomorrow with that info.

I'm crossing things off my 'To do before I go' list really fast - Not because I'm getting them done, but because my energy is going downhill fast. Each day I can do less and less. Dorie came over last night and helped me make dinner, and then she cleaned up afterwards. I really appreciated that.

I noticed something last night.  While I was eating dinner, I realized that there were some major things I had totally spaced doing as part of the meal I'd planned. This kind of stuff is usually a 'no-brainer' for me.  Not right now though.  Last night I had lots of 'lag' time in the kitchen during the making-dinner process because I couldn't remember what I was doing.  It's normal to forget somethings, sometimes, but this was rediculous. It was hard to figure out even the most simple task and follow it through through to the end.  My poor brain just isn't getting the oxygen it needs from my heart to really function well.  I'm so glad Dorie was there to help.

I am having to rest more and more often.  Last night I got up from the couch, walked into the kitchen and got myself a glass of water. It felt like the kitchen was a mile away.  By the time I got back to the couch, I was drenched with sweat and having a hard time breathing. I'm also noticing that I need to keep myself away from things that upset me. Here's an example.  On September 11th I was watching a documentary about the terrorist attack on the Twin Towers.  I felt the pain of those people who were telling their stories.  All of a sudden, my heart started racing, beating very heavily, and I could hardly breath.  I turned off the TV, but it took hours for things to settle down again, and my heart was still hurting the next morning.  Also, yesterday I received a cold and rejecting email from an in-law, and as I read it, my heart began hurting and the symptoms started again.  I quickly did an internal 'honesty check' to see if I'd done anything I needed to take responsibility for, and found nothing, So I closed the email and quickly sought calming and healing in the company of accepting, loving people. It worked.  I felt better within minutes.

This evening, if I'm able, I'm going to try to make one last trip to the Garden - just to look at it, and enjoy it - not to do any work at all (of course). Dorie and Marcia told me they would do the rest of the gardening for the year. I'm grateful - and I'll miss it. They want me to give them what instructions I'm able to about saving seeds for next year. We have really yummy tomatoes (heirloom varieties), glorious zinnias, beautiful okra and such lovely squash - in so many varieties. This is something I usually do..... But not this year.

Another thing I usually do is the canning. Thank goodness I put up extra tomatoes and dilly beans last year. This year I haven't been able to do much.

I've added some pictures of me and the Community Garden in the slideshow at the top of the blog.

Oh.  There's a really funny thing I've noticed.  My shortness of breath makes it so that I have to pause between the words and phrases in a sentence when I'm speaking.  I notice that some of my friends and family seem to have a hard time with that.  Apparently they're used to talking (and being 'talked to') more quickly and more smoothly.  They get impatient, think I'm finished, and start talking themselves.  It's a bit frustrating for me, but it's funny too.  Maybe when I've said 5 words and I'm not finished with my sentence yet but I have to pause to catch my breath, I'll put up my finger or hand and let them know I'm not complete with  my speaking yet.

Or maybe I'll just let it be.  I'm sure that if there is something really important that needs saying, I'll find a way to say it in 1-5 words, like "Fire!", or, "Red Light!", or "I've fallen and I can't get up!" (Oops - that's seven words. I guess I'm out of luck there.) I'm looking forward to being able to breathe, and talk normally, again.

Another thing I would 'otherwise be doing' right now besides Garden, is preparing for my Fall Hypnosis Certification Training.  I always look so forward to teaching a group of new Hypnosis students the in's and out's of how to use Hypnosis to help people, help themselves, even have better relationships with their family.  It's so rewarding.  I usually prepare in September and teach in October, November and December. Maybe January?


Pat Goodeill said...

Sweet lady,

I know you will be fine and full of renewed energy for gardening or whatever you want to do. Let any and all things that hurt your heart not ever be a part of your life again. Even if that means friends or family need to drop away, so be it. You and your happiness are all that matter.

I see you as already fully healed, for you are in the spiritual world. It's just the physical that needs to catch up with the spiritual now!

Rapid healing, my friend!

2silver7 said...

Gwyneth, My long ago and renewed friend I wish you the very best and a successful surgery,and Gods speed!

With Loving Thoughts & Prayers

carainstitute said...

{{{ hugs}}} good luck Gwyn, see you at the convention next year!~Bernie : )

jamie said...

I love Lacy!!! and love how she loves you!!!
I would love to help in the garden and collect seeds. I'll call Dorrie. Peace to you and let the energy of healing begin!

Gwyneth McNeil said...

Thanks so very much, all of you! I feel your love and caring. It lifts me and gives me strength and courage.

Jamie, thanks for your offer to help gather garden seeds! Accepted, with gratitude. Call Dorie to make arrangements. If you don't have her cell phone number, just call the Academy of Life Management. I can picture you guys now - in the garden, gathering some wonderful seeds. And of course we'll share!

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