Monday, December 6, 2010

The time foretold to me

Well, this past week was an example of the time foretold to me by those who know the process of physical healing, and how it seems to happen that we become involved so thoroughly with the busy-ness of our lives once again.  Since 12 days ago, just before Thanksgiving, my days have begun each morning with the certain feeling of "On your mark, Get set, Go!"  Each day.  Even the days that have included some marvelous 'laid back and relaxing' time, such as being with dear friends Thanksgiving day, and enjoying sweet conversation and association all through the afternoon and evening  And of course, the daily 'healing naps' seem to be now a thing of the past.

Oh my.  Life seems to be proceeding right along, with so many different levels of experience, all happening at the very same time.  In a moment of 'doing', feeling also happens for me, and consciousness (or lack of), and sparks for evaluation, even learning, and mental processing in a later moment. It's really quite remarkable.  It's as if there is a larger blueprint that life itself is following, undeterred, with each individual person as participant only.  I think of how cocky I've been in the past, with thoughts that my life's experience was so individual, more than just 'unique', and so 'special' in many ways.  Or at least, I wanted to feel like it was.  All along, there was a quality of 'alone-ness'.  I felt alone - in not a 'good way' (as was said to me by an American Indian medicine woman I was privileged to study with in the past.)  For in each experience of 'special-ness' loneliness hides, even thrives.  I realize that so much of my life has been spent wanting to feel a sort of special-ness, because I didn't feel a needed feeling of being 'good enough'.  At the very same time, I struggled with a (usually subconscious) sense of alone-ness filled with loneliness, that I could not voice.

I'm noticing that the physical change that I've been blessed with of late (open heart surgery, and 2 other electrical 'fixes' made to my physical heart 3 weeks afterward), have helped my 'spiritual' heart become more clear.  Others in my life tell me they see changes in my personality.  I experience the change myself daily, in my different ways of doing things, and as my experience itself of 'the same 'ol world' changes, often moment by moment.  My life is a miracle daily.

I appreciate the definition I have become acquainted with of, "Miracle - something that happens in our lives in which God remains anonymous."

Each day, I go more and more surely in the doings of the day by the method of 'listen and follow'.  I do my best to listen to that voice that is of the highest Source, whispering within, and to follow it's lead.  All I have to do is see what the action is that is directly before me to be done - right if front of my toes, if you will.  And then do.  More than ever, I experience myself as the 'human being' - rather than that 'human doing'. Identifying as being a 'human doing' is the net of false hope that we get so easily caught (entrapped?) into, losing more and more a sense of who we really are.  For me, I'm finding that the most simple, and the most rewarding of ways to 'do life' is by intentionally being human, in the best sense of the word.  (And as I 'listen and follow', my human 'doings' become easy.)  In living life this way, there is all the relaxation, rejuvenation, and 'specialness' that that my heart could ever wish for.  Alone-ness?  In a way, yes, for we each have our own walk on the path.  But loneliness in that walking?  Not at all.


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