Feeling Better

I feel better today, both physically and emotionally.  I'm remembering now - they are connected.  I have more energy, more focus, and I feel more full and at peace.  My mind is not so distracted as it was a few days ago. 

The cold weather has hit in the full force of early winter.  I took all the plants in off the balcony so they wouldn't freeze.  Lots of trays of green tomatoes, quickly turning red, are all over every empty space that will hold them.  I looked at some nice big ones today and I think I have enough to can 3-6 jars of bottled tomatoes.  I'm not very excited about it.  It's cold outside and doesn't feel like 'canning weather' to me.  I also know how much energy it takes, and I want to do other things.  Dorie has offered to help - maybe I'll let her.  That feels so odd.  I'm usually the person who 'helps others', rather than allowing others to 'help me'.  I've counseled other people in this area, now here I am. 

Dorie came over and helped me clean and sweep leaves - I can't do those things yet.  I'm grateful for her help.  I'm glad she comes in and 'takes over' in a way, saying, "I can see that you need help here, and here, and there.  Let me do it now while you are still not healed yet."  And there are times when she just comes in, doesn't say a word, but just pitches in and does the task.  Like today.  I came home from a Doctor's appointment and physical therapy and my bed was made, the dishes were done and the kitchen floor was swept and mopped.  She said she'd had the time, I've given her an extra key, and she'd felt like helping.  Yes I'm so grateful, but it a bit hard to bear, in a way.  There are thoughts I struggle with, like, "How can I ever pay her back; What can I do to make it even, somehow?"  Thoughts like that.  I know that the Higher Law says that "Giving and Receiving are the same".  I believe that, although my analytical brain has a hard time wrapping around those words and making sense of them in the face of here being so "there" for me.