Thursday, October 21, 2010

Tears and Gratitude, Fears and Faith

Two amazing days.  Yesterday, Wednesday, I had a wonderful surprise phone call from a friend visiting in India, and an email from a friend in Israel who've both been following the blog.  Their heartfulness and their caring were tangible and I felt it deeply.  Ummm.  I then opened some of my mail, and opened some great, supporting and loving letters and cards.  So much!!!.  There is such a deep well I have available to me to draw upon.  The messages I receive constantly, from so many sources, help me feel so loved and supported through all of this.  Many tears and much gratitude.

I also re-opened some of the 'scary' surgery bills I have not yet been able to cover.  Oh dear.  Seeing the totals on some of the pages gave me such alternating feelings.  "Oh no!  How am I going to do this."  (Breathe, Gwyn.  Ways are being made available.)  "But the dates are so soon, and I am so unable."  (Faith, Gwyn.  Be still. Wait, with faith.)  "But the fear about this feels so huge!"  (Peace, child.  You are loved, and your problems are known.  Just listen, and accept healing, moment by moment.)  Fears and Faith.  Bouncing back and forth!  Truly human I think.

I returned yesterday to Physical Therapy for the first time since the second surgery last week.  I worked hard, they watched me closely, and it felt good.  When I came home, I fell into bed and slept for 3 hours.

Today, Thursday, I went to the Cardiologist for my after-surgery checkup.  After a long check-up, and another EKG, he told me (trying to hide his beaming smile), "Your heart is working at 100% of what it should be.  I just texted your surgeon with the good news and he is very happy.  This result is exactly what this procedure was designed to produce."  The Dr. also said not everyone ends up with as good of a result as I am getting.  Wow!  Another marvelous miracle!  The thought came:  "I'm a 'poster child' for this."  I'd skip and dance if I were able.

When I got home, I napped another 3 hours.  Then I decided to open the new bill that had come in the mail today.  Oh dear!. Fears and Faith again.  Oh, wait - there is another envelope that slipped out of the pile.  I almost missed it.  As I opened it, a personal check fell out - just big enough to cover this new bill entirely - with $8.00 to spare!  How incredible!  Many tears, and much gratitude, again.


Post a Comment


Sample text