I'm stillI in my 'cave', resting, playing & resting today, but I just wanted to say:
I made it through the weekend with surprising grace and aplomb. Training Course went well, and during the Saturday family reunion, I only had to be 'helped' once, when I was on my way toward sitting down and I just didn't have enough strength and energy to make it. I'm grateful for the two people who rushed to my aid and saved me from disaster.
One question lingers today, leftover from Saturday's festivities - My father whispered to me after the event was over: "That was wonderful", he said. "It was like having my own funeral, only I was there to enjoy it." "Funeral" had not been my intention to create, even a 'really enjoyable' one. But I think his comment was SO Very Interesting - especially after the dream I posted about last week. Know what I mean?
Now, back to my cave.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Ready, Set,....
Today I'm getting 'ready', that by tonight I am 'set', to 'GO' the next three days solid. I will (most likely) have no break for neither rest nor relaxation. A full weekend of Hypnosis Certification Training is time-intensive itself, but all my preparations during the weekdays of the last 2 weeks plus, culminate this Saturday with the 'Family Gathering' I've put together in honor of the 'older generation'. And my daughter came into Salt Lakw City last night from PA, with her fiance, to introduce him to family during this weekend.
Because of my recent dream seeming to tell of my father's imminent demise, added to an already-felt sense of urgency in that regard, I've been devoting every spare moment and bit of energy this last while to producing this event of, whick I can see could be the 'last' family gathering for this part of my family. It will be interesting to see how events transpire. I will report here on the details, as I can.
I've made a 'courtesy announcement' to those I keep in close contact with (usually daily) to prepare to be 'snarled at' if they happen to interrupt me today. If the house is burning down, they'll have to make special effort to get my attention so I can get out in time. Knowing me, when I focus on something, I REALLY focus, to the exclusion of most everything else (for better and/or worse). I'm glad I have those in my life who love me and accept me 'anyway'.
So here I step, deeply into the forest of preparation, firmly on the path of 'GO'. And later, over three days from now on Sunday evening, when the Training is complete for the weekend and the Family Gathering is over and done, I will enter the cave of rest. I'll emerge only when I do - no sooner.
....Go!
Because of my recent dream seeming to tell of my father's imminent demise, added to an already-felt sense of urgency in that regard, I've been devoting every spare moment and bit of energy this last while to producing this event of, whick I can see could be the 'last' family gathering for this part of my family. It will be interesting to see how events transpire. I will report here on the details, as I can.
I've made a 'courtesy announcement' to those I keep in close contact with (usually daily) to prepare to be 'snarled at' if they happen to interrupt me today. If the house is burning down, they'll have to make special effort to get my attention so I can get out in time. Knowing me, when I focus on something, I REALLY focus, to the exclusion of most everything else (for better and/or worse). I'm glad I have those in my life who love me and accept me 'anyway'.
So here I step, deeply into the forest of preparation, firmly on the path of 'GO'. And later, over three days from now on Sunday evening, when the Training is complete for the weekend and the Family Gathering is over and done, I will enter the cave of rest. I'll emerge only when I do - no sooner.
....Go!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Peace and Chaos
In my world today there are both. Peace I'm left with after spending a wonderful weekend with amazing people at the Hypnosis Certification Training; (I'm relaxed,.... Breathing deeply,.... Feeling good,.... Feeling fine,..... Good);....
....and then there's the chaos. There is present such an underlying sense that 'the world' is falling apart in some way - not in a visual, "easily seen' way (although some of that is happening too), but more 'subterannean' if you will. 'Under the covers', where it's not easily seen by 'the eyes of man', even when it's right below our noses. Things looks tidy, nice, and oh so pretty (even in 'close' relationships) to the perviewing, judgmental eye, and the analytical brain easily takes over saying, "All is well in my world."
To me, I see marked signs of that chaos in 'good-looking' relationships I see, and in the function or organizations I am familiar with. The structure looks good, but the function is failing.
When I put my attention to it (and sometimes even when I don't) the rumble of discontent is unmistakable. That sense of chaos 'on the move' has even been interrupting my night's sleep at times, with a sense of impending 'explosion' or 'implosion' of some sort. I look at my own physical surroundings, keenly investigating, and the plans and doings of my own days, and I seem to see nothing amiss. I've been asking for feedback from a few closely trusted 'others' in my life, to help me with this. Honest feedback help me see better, even when it doesn't feel all that good sometimes. Honest feedback always helps me make more sound assessments and decision about things. But, the feedback I'm getting so far is that as far as what I am personally responsible for, nothing seems awry. (Of course, there are always adjustments to be made in our own lives, internally and externally, but even that doesn't explain what's 'left over' here, after doing all I can do.)
The rumble of 'chaos' remains.
....and then there's the chaos. There is present such an underlying sense that 'the world' is falling apart in some way - not in a visual, "easily seen' way (although some of that is happening too), but more 'subterannean' if you will. 'Under the covers', where it's not easily seen by 'the eyes of man', even when it's right below our noses. Things looks tidy, nice, and oh so pretty (even in 'close' relationships) to the perviewing, judgmental eye, and the analytical brain easily takes over saying, "All is well in my world."
To me, I see marked signs of that chaos in 'good-looking' relationships I see, and in the function or organizations I am familiar with. The structure looks good, but the function is failing.
When I put my attention to it (and sometimes even when I don't) the rumble of discontent is unmistakable. That sense of chaos 'on the move' has even been interrupting my night's sleep at times, with a sense of impending 'explosion' or 'implosion' of some sort. I look at my own physical surroundings, keenly investigating, and the plans and doings of my own days, and I seem to see nothing amiss. I've been asking for feedback from a few closely trusted 'others' in my life, to help me with this. Honest feedback help me see better, even when it doesn't feel all that good sometimes. Honest feedback always helps me make more sound assessments and decision about things. But, the feedback I'm getting so far is that as far as what I am personally responsible for, nothing seems awry. (Of course, there are always adjustments to be made in our own lives, internally and externally, but even that doesn't explain what's 'left over' here, after doing all I can do.)
The rumble of 'chaos' remains.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
I had a dream last night
In the dream, I was going through an old trunk, left by my sister Karen who has long since passed away. (She died unexpectedly more than a decade ago leaving four young children.) The trunk was in an old shed, something that reminded me of my father (living, age 94), and it felt like I was preparing for my father's funeral. As I sifted through my sister's old things, looking to see what might be needed to be done with them, suddenly my only living sister appeared through sunbeams streaming through the sunlight in the doorway of the shed. (I say 'only surviving sister because another sister, Jane, followed Karen in death just a few years after her, also unexpectedly.)
As Jolene came through the door, I felt a mix of joy, and a little puzzlement (in the dream), because we have been so estranged for so long. (Even now, writing about this, I wonder if I will ever see her again, let alone share any words of the love and respect I feel for her in my heart.) She was wearing her hair differently than I've ever seen in 'real life', but she looked absolutely beautiful. She approached me, and without hesitation wrapped her arms around me in a warm embrace. I hugged her back with all my might, I've never experienced such a hug with my sister. There's only the yearning for one.
Tears were on my face when I awoke. And the emotion is still very close. It will be an interesting day.
As Jolene came through the door, I felt a mix of joy, and a little puzzlement (in the dream), because we have been so estranged for so long. (Even now, writing about this, I wonder if I will ever see her again, let alone share any words of the love and respect I feel for her in my heart.) She was wearing her hair differently than I've ever seen in 'real life', but she looked absolutely beautiful. She approached me, and without hesitation wrapped her arms around me in a warm embrace. I hugged her back with all my might, I've never experienced such a hug with my sister. There's only the yearning for one.
Tears were on my face when I awoke. And the emotion is still very close. It will be an interesting day.
That nap is what makes the difference
I was worried that yesterday I might be as tired after teaching as I was at the end of the day last Friday. Not so yesterday. I took a nap in the middle of the day during lunch, and it seemed to make all the difference. Yay!
Friday, January 14, 2011
I wonder what will happen
Well, here it is Friday, and off I go again - Off to begin a full day of Hypnosis Certification Training. My Friday of last week ended with exhaustion. Even though I'd 'taken care' during the day, the very fact of working such a 'full day' this early in my surgery recovery took it's toll. My intention today is to 'take care', again. It will be interesting to see if I "fall asleep in my porridge" again tonight, or if I will be more able to get myself home, fed, and more readied for bed in a 'usual manner'. That's what I'm hoping for.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Healing stone connection - Years later
A number of years ago I walked through a local botanical garden (Red Butte Garden), lavishing in all it's beauty in so many forms. At the time, there were visiting sculptures being displayed throughout the grounds from artists from Africa. They were each astounding, but the one that kept 'drawing' me was a 6 ft. tall bird, make of the rock called Serpentine. It was gray-green, smooth to the touch, and both warm and cool at the same time. At least, that's how it seemed to me. When it was time to go, I remember wishing I could stay there a little longer, just 'soaking in' the energy of that stone. There were other sculptures made of Serpentine in the garden, but this one seemed to emmanate that particular energy most strongly.
I've thought of that incident many times over the years, and in my travels I've 'almost' picked up a 'pocket stone' of Serpentine. (I've found that often it helps to keep a stone or two of different kinds in my pocket as I go through the day. Because of the different vibrations of different materials, and the meanings they have gathered to them, just having them on my person seems to help. Before I 'knew' any of this, I've carried stones with me since I was a little girl. I hear that many people do. Do you?)
Well, I was given a wonderful nugget of polished Serpentine two days ago. I immediately put it in my pocket, and wore it yesterday all day as I went about my doings. Lo and behold. I definately feel the result today. I did yesterday as well, but this morning it's especially strong. My right hip that has been most affected by osteo-arthritis? Almost enirely pain-free all day. And my mood? Wonderful - even at setbacks.
"Serpentine- Also called Infinite, pronounced 'infi-night': A form of green or gray-green stone from South Africa. An excellent stone for healing the etheric body, and pain relief for the physical body. Infinite's vibration replenishes the etheric body and helps seal holes that can cause feelings of fatigue, depression and depletion. Also activiates the kundalini."
I've thought of that incident many times over the years, and in my travels I've 'almost' picked up a 'pocket stone' of Serpentine. (I've found that often it helps to keep a stone or two of different kinds in my pocket as I go through the day. Because of the different vibrations of different materials, and the meanings they have gathered to them, just having them on my person seems to help. Before I 'knew' any of this, I've carried stones with me since I was a little girl. I hear that many people do. Do you?)
Well, I was given a wonderful nugget of polished Serpentine two days ago. I immediately put it in my pocket, and wore it yesterday all day as I went about my doings. Lo and behold. I definately feel the result today. I did yesterday as well, but this morning it's especially strong. My right hip that has been most affected by osteo-arthritis? Almost enirely pain-free all day. And my mood? Wonderful - even at setbacks.
"Serpentine- Also called Infinite, pronounced 'infi-night': A form of green or gray-green stone from South Africa. An excellent stone for healing the etheric body, and pain relief for the physical body. Infinite's vibration replenishes the etheric body and helps seal holes that can cause feelings of fatigue, depression and depletion. Also activiates the kundalini."
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The Great Balancing Act
I've realized that to really be 'the god of who we are', we must first be 'fully, truly human.' Here's what I mean. To the extent I am able to 'have' the fullness of my pain, can I most fully 'have' the depth of joy. And vice versa. I am deepened as a person by both experiences. And it takes one to have the other more fully.
I think of the time I took my five children to a vacation spot in a neighboring state years ago. There was an olympic sized pool, with three diving boards (6, 9, and 12 feet high, respectively), and a 35 foot high platform. For those who did so, there were respective thrills possible from jumping into the water from each of those heights. I noticed that there was something special about the bottom of the pool beneath the 35 foot platform however. From 35 feet high, if someone jumped into a pool with only a standard 12 foot depth, they may very likely hurt themselves. The water would just be too shallow for a jump from that height. So, beneath the 35 foot platform, there was a '6 foot hole' in the bottom of the pool - making the depth of the water not just 12 feet, but 18 feet. And the depression seemed broad enough to accomodate even the most 'enthusiastic' board jumper. So, to have the thrill of jumping from a 35 ft. platform, there had to be a deeper hole to jump into. That metaphor has served me well since, helping me through some of the hardest times in my life, and helping me explain 'how it works' to some of those dear to me. 'Ya gotta have both.
I wonder - Could it be that to experience the highest joys, it is required , to be able to also experience the deepest sorrows? When I shared this with a good friend, she said, "Yeah, I think that's how it works. It's that balance thing. In fact, wasn't there 'One' who showed us 'The way' in this?" Some may refer to this principle with the word 'karma'. I think I like the word 'balance'.
I think of the time I took my five children to a vacation spot in a neighboring state years ago. There was an olympic sized pool, with three diving boards (6, 9, and 12 feet high, respectively), and a 35 foot high platform. For those who did so, there were respective thrills possible from jumping into the water from each of those heights. I noticed that there was something special about the bottom of the pool beneath the 35 foot platform however. From 35 feet high, if someone jumped into a pool with only a standard 12 foot depth, they may very likely hurt themselves. The water would just be too shallow for a jump from that height. So, beneath the 35 foot platform, there was a '6 foot hole' in the bottom of the pool - making the depth of the water not just 12 feet, but 18 feet. And the depression seemed broad enough to accomodate even the most 'enthusiastic' board jumper. So, to have the thrill of jumping from a 35 ft. platform, there had to be a deeper hole to jump into. That metaphor has served me well since, helping me through some of the hardest times in my life, and helping me explain 'how it works' to some of those dear to me. 'Ya gotta have both.
I wonder - Could it be that to experience the highest joys, it is required , to be able to also experience the deepest sorrows? When I shared this with a good friend, she said, "Yeah, I think that's how it works. It's that balance thing. In fact, wasn't there 'One' who showed us 'The way' in this?" Some may refer to this principle with the word 'karma'. I think I like the word 'balance'.
